“It takes courage to push yourself to places you have never been before…to test your limits…to break through barriers. And the day came when the risk it took to stay tight inside the bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.”
--Anais Nin
As is the usual routine with my monthly writing group, we begin our time together by first doing a check in. This gives everyone an opportunity to share what they are doing and where they are in life, creatively speaking. After the fourth person finishes speaking, it is my turn to share. “Something very interesting is happening.” I began. “For the past 25 years, I’ve written every morning almost effortlessly. Words and sentences easily flowed out of my hand and onto the paper with ease. It wasn’t necessarily publishable material, but there was not a want for words. Then, I start a blog and all of the sudden, it all stops.”
“I stop” one member of the group corrects me without apology. I’m flabbergasted. Not at what she said but that her words were truth and it hits like a ton of bricks. Even in my private morning journal writings. I’ve stopped. I have no clue what is happening and feel lost without the every morning flow of words.
Once the initial check in is finished, we begin to write non-stop for an hour. There are no boundaries, no rules. We have an hour to write whatever and however we wish. There’s 15 minutes left and I’m at a standstill. Sally, the host, brings out some colored pencils to share if we need a little boost. I grab a purple one and instantly write, “True colors.” Suddenly, I begin to write fiction. In over 25 years of writing, fiction played no role. In 15 minutes I wrote about a girl lost in the dark forest who eventually finds her way out. Her name is Lucy and she begins to discover her true colors.
Lucy has a mind of her own and has chosen to follow me home and into my morning journal writings. Fiction becomes new turf for a few weeks. It’s a territory I’m not familiar with and I suck at it but it’s a lot of fun letting Lucy have her way with me. She leads me on adventures that I wouldn’t take otherwise. But more importantly, I’m back to writing once again. I really love Lucy for that and am glad this character decided to join me. I just wish she’d help me with writing my blog.
Well, as only life would have it…..the most interesting adventure happened just the other day. In an attempt to avoid homework for my Chemistry class, my mind wanders and I decide to look up the meaning of the name Lucy. So, instead of studying about iconic bonds and molecular nuclei, I decide to study about names. I Google “Lucy, meaning, name” and the first suggested website that comes up is thinkbabynames.com. It’s there that I discover that Lucy means “light.” I search further and meander into other websites. I was intrigued to discover that there once lived a woman by the name of Saint Lucy between the years of 283- 304.
As a former Religious Study/Philosophy major, the study of religion in any form captivates me more than almost anything else. So, needless to say, I didn’t finish my chemistry assignment that evening but instead, studied about Saint Lucy for over an hour. But before I go on about what I learned, let me digress. Until I was about the age of 13 or 14, I was a small town Catholic girl who despised being Catholic. To be honest with you, I don’t even know why the aversion to Catholicism was so intense back then. It did concern me that I was baptized Catholic as an infant without having a say in the process, so perhaps my aversion was really rebellion. I did, however, enjoy listening to the Nuns as they lead us on journeys with the Saints, especially the Patron Saints. If you are Catholic or if you grew up Catholic, you know that there is a Patron Saint of almost anything. There’s a Patron Saint of Prostitutes (St. Nicholas), a Patron Saint of Lost Things (St. Anthony) and a Patron Saint of Nurses (St. Agatha.) These Saints have your safekeeping in mind and are considered special guardians over certain areas of life experiences. We can take our concerns to these Saints and, according to the tradition I studied, these Saints will pray to God with you. For example, if you’ve lost your keys and you’re late for work, call upon St. Anthony for his help. There’s no question that the Big Guy is busy and if He hears St. Anthony calling on your behalf, it’s possible the B.G. will stop what he’s doing at the moment and listen. He even may take a break from his concerns with such things as wars and crimes in progress so that YOU can get to work on time. I’m told He’s a multitasker.
So, getting back to Saint Lucy. I discovered that her day of celebration is December 13th and she is the Patron Saint of the blind, throat infections, salesmen and for the people of Syracuse, Italy (where she was born.) However, this is where the adventure begins for me. St. Lucy, as it turns out, is also the Patron Saint of Writers. Growing up Catholic, I knew that Frances de Sales was the Patron Saint of this art, but I didn’t know Saint Lucy was too. Until now, I didn’t even know there was a Saint Lucy. Even though I’m no longer Catholic nor do I believe in much of that tradition, I secretly wonder if Saint Lucy will put in a good word for me. (And that’s assuming there is a God.)
Working with Lucy, the character, has definitely taken me on an adventure and an unexpected one, at that. Lucy is continuing to reveal and discover her true colors. It’s through Lucy’s own vulnerabilities that I’m discovering the reason why I caved into and allowed writer’s block once I began my blog. I had no clue that creating a blog and writing about my personal perceptions, feelings and life observations for the world to read would make me feel exposed…..so vulnerable. What if my observations are wrong? What if my friends and family hate me if they discover the real me and all the faults I have? And most importantly, out of the all the blogs on the internet, why do I believe I have something of significance to say?
By allowing Lucy into the fiction part of my writing time, I get to witness her journey of becoming authentic, which quite ironically, mimics my own life. As Lucy faces her own fears and self worth, I notice that more light and brightness is added to her true colors. Lucy learns a little more quickly than I, but that character’s presence is giving me the courage to be with my own vulnerabilities. She is giving me the courage to be imperfect and live my life anyway. Lucy’s “flaws” and “quirks” are what give her character depth. And since art mimics life, Lucy sheds light on my own flaws and quirks. With them, my true colors are brighter and my life has more depth. If my friends and family hate me upon discovering who I really am…..then they most likely weren’t my real friends and family anyway. And if others find my blog posts insignificant….that’s okay. As I stated earlier, there are plenty other blogs out there in which the reader can tap into and take this blog off their “favorite” list.
Every day I thank Lucy for coming into my life and helping me along my path of creativity. I thank her for this breakthrough. As for Saint Lucy? Well, I’ve given up trying to know the unknowable so I have no clue if this Patron Saint of Writers has made any requests from any God/Goddess that may exist. All I know with certainty is that my writer’s block is gone. At least, for now.
